Last week the elementary campus held its annual “Curriculum Night” to give parents and caregivers the chance to talk with teachers about teaching and learning in grades K-5. And this week our middle campus families will have their opportunity to meet in person with the 6-8 grade faculty and staff. And soon we’ll be having conferences at both campuses. This is the time of year when the relationships between teachers and parents are first formed, relationships that are crucial to get right in order to best support students. So what steps can we take to try and get them right? Here are three suggestions I have:
Be clear on expectations: In interpersonal relationships, the best ones share clarity of expectations and communication. That’s certainly true of the teacher-parent relationship. Several years ago members of our faculty and members of our PTCA collaborated on creating a set of guidelines for the “family-school partnership” here at ANCS. Based on our school’s guiding principles, they help set expectations for how parents and teachers can most effectively work together to support students, from when and how information should be shared to ways to resolve conflict. These guidelines are just a starting point, however; open and regular communication between teachers and parents are what really strengthen these relationships.
Recognize each others’ humanity: In a book titled The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Teachers Can Learn from Each Other, the author, educator, and parent Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot wrote about the natural tension that can sometimes arise in the relationship between parents—who are interested in the their own specific child and who also often bring in their own childhood school memories to interactions with teachers—and teachers—who are engaged in the deeply personal work of teaching a classroom full of students (you can read this short interview with Lawrence-Lightfoot to get a better sense of this and/or watch this longer talk she gave to really understand her ideas). Key to moving past this tension is being human and humane with one another. For teachers, ask questions that really help you get to know the parents’ student. For parents, be honest about your student’s strengths and weaknesses and be open to hearing what the teacher sees and thinks. And for both sides, assume good intent from one another, even during challenging moments.
Keep students at the center of the relationship: It can be easy to get caught up in the interactions of the adults in the school-home relationship and forget that the relationship exists to foster the growth and development of the student. Include the student in conversations as much as possible. Don’t concern yourself with how much you like/don’t like the personality of the teacher or parent and instead focus on what’s necessary to collaborate on helping the student. And reach out to one another to celebrate successes for the student, not just when there is a problem.
I know there are plenty of other avenues to a strong parent-teacher relationship. But if you can just focus on doing these three things well, I believe you’ll find that you can partner successfully and the student will be all the better for it.